:: American Angst :: |
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Puttin' the FUN in dys-FUN-ctional!! It's the holidays! Time for Ding Fries Are Done! |
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So I had a follow-up visit for the results of Butt-Cam yesterday. Wasn't a joyous trip. Not only did I get to sit in the waiting room for 2 minutes shy of an HOUR, but another half hour was spent waiting in the examining room while no less than 3 interns or assistants came and went all asking me the same questions about my pooping habits. Ohhhh will the fun never end? Finally the doctor came in, told me that they just realized that the CAT scan results still hadn't come back yet, but the colonoscopy showed Colitis. Yay me! He gave me a prescription or 4 and sent me on my way.
I was sent to the check-out desk up front to make yet another follow-up appointment. The woman who was scheduling said appointment told me that I could get in much sooner if I was willing to see a physician's assistant rather than the doctor. I couldn't care less who I see, so I agreed. This is when things took a turn for the amusing. She was an Older Southern Woman and she seemed to be overly concerned with my only seeing an assistant that I've met before:
Older Southern Woman: "Ah s'pose ah could set-chuh up wee-uth Candace...is that who met with you just now, darlin'?"
Gracie: "I'm not sure...there were so many of them..."
OSW: "Well what did the female assistant look like, honey?"
Gracie: "Uhhhm...She was tall; slender; wearing a green shirt; in her mid-thirties, I guess?"
OSW: *Leans forward and looks down the hall--furtively--from right to left, then leans closer to me and says* "Was she...." and then she puts her right hand up to her mouth and sorta cups the side of her mouth and then whispers...yes, whispers: "Black?"
Gracie: *enjoys games so whispers back* "Yes...why? Doesn't she know???"
I received a snotty glare and she sat back up and tsk'd a few times and tossed my appointment card at me. I'm positive that the next appointment will involve gloves and K-Y Jelly.
I'm sure most of you have heard about the tropical storms that will soon be pounding the state of Florida. Because Georgia borders Florida, we probably hear about it a bit more frequently than some of you. Like last night...each time there's a huge storm approaching Florida...one that causes residents to be told to evacuate...our news programs in Atlanta shove their reporters (usually the junior ones) out the door and send them down to the heart of where the storm is going to hit. They interview idiots and do camera shots of people boarding up their windows...just fascinating, it is.
And there is always one moron (a moron who, nine times out of ten, lives right on the beach) that defiantly ignores the warnings and evacuation announcements and proudly announces to the cameras "Heh HEH!! I sayn worse'n thee-us. Ah'm-uh stayin' PUT. We go-uhn riiiide this puppy OUT, y'all!"
Idiot. You're probably the same person that comes to visit Atlanta when it's 30 degrees and you wear SHORTS, huh? Cause you're under the misguided perception that we are awed by your concrete refusal to be a sheep and conform and do stoopid things like LEAVE WHEN 125mph WINDS ARE COMING. Jackass.
What they really need to do, our camera-peeps, is stay with the guy...film his sorry ass being whipped around his yard, while valiantly maintaining a death-grip on his Pabst Blue Ribbon can. THAT would be entertaining.
Dear Alpharetta Policeman,
I would like to whole-heartedly thank you for giving my husband George a ticket the other day for not wearing his seatbelt. Not only did your action give ME lots of laughter and fuel for jokes and bitching for months to come, but you also provided loads of fun for his co-workers, some of whom were in the car with George (all wearing THEIR seatbelts, I might add) and others were in the car behind George and partook of the time-honored tradition of honking, pointing, laughing and waving at George as they drove by (all wearing their seatbelts...not that that's important or anything...)
Love,
P.S., If you happen to see George again, please remind him that this is a PERFECT example of Karmic retribution and also that he should, from now on, do exactly what Gracie tells him to. Thanks, Chief!
Glenn's Link O' the Day: Commando Sheep
George's Link O' the Day: Why George Refuses to Visit India Now (This is a frightening story to begin with, but it also begs the question "WHY IN THE STREET???")
Someone Arrived Here Searching For: fart night spouse [Wow. And I thought SANDWICH night was bad!!]
Last 5 Entries:
How Much Are YOU Worth? - Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006 Perfume and Lazy Bastards.... - Wednesday, Jan. 04, 2006 Like Poop Through a Goose.... - Saturday, Dec. 31, 2005 Bling and Bullets.... - Thursday, Dec. 29, 2005 Get Into The Frickin Spirit.... - Friday, Dec. 23, 2005
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