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Puttin' the FUN in dys-FUN-ctional!! It's the holidays! Time for Ding Fries Are Done! |
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I totally need to donate my brain to science when I die. To demonstrate my point, let me share with you the dream that I had last night:
I'm sitting in my car at a light waiting to turn left. In front of me was one of those small pickup trucks that nobody really wants but drives because it's all they could get their grandmother to co-sign for. To my right was a garbage truck, but it was one of those pickup trucks with big wooden beams across the bed which turns it into a garbage truck. I dunno. Just be quiet n' listen, okay? So all of a sudden, one of the garbage men (who, by the way, wasn't riding on the back of the truck, as is customary. No, no. He was RUNNING behind the truck) jumps up onto the back of the truck and leans toward the driver and whisper-yells "Dude! That's ANNE HECHE in that little pickup truck over there!" and he keeps saying it over and over again. Only he doesn't pronounce it properly; he keeps saying "hesh" instead of "haysh". And I'm apparently rather snooty in Dreamland, because I rolled my eyes and just couldn't believe that a garbage man couldn't even pronounce a simple name like Heche. She pretended to be shocked and all humbled at being recognized waaaay over here in Atlanta, but it was obviously a ruse.
What's more, as the garbage man continued to whisper-scream the news to his boss, Ms. Heche got out of her puny truck and smacked her palm with the other fist and yelled "Haysh! HAYSH!" and then grinned, batted her eyes, and pulled her hair up on top of her head and held it there, and she kept doing this odd little pose that was apparently supposed to denote 'sexy' but didn't really, because she was wearing a cowgirl outfit and, well, it just wasn't all that sexy.
The good news is that she got out of her truck prepared. She had magic markers and pictures of herself and began handing out autographs to the garbage men, all of whom were very large black men, not that it mattered, although it was amusing to watch these huge men get all giggly and girly over a crazy little white girl.
When she was done with the garbage men, she pretended to walk back to her truck, but did so ever-so-slowly, to make sure that the surrounding passengers would notice her. When they didn't, she pretended they did, and began walking up to people's driver's side windows offering autographed pictures to them. They would grin in that way you do when a not-quite-all-there homeless person hands you a piece of paper with gibberish written on it and proclaims it the gospel.
I watched all of this with mild amusement until the light turned green and then? Then I became pissed off. Because I was directly behind her and needed to GO and she was still harassing the drivers. And that, my friends, is where the dream ended. Why there? Why Anne Heche?? Why ME?
Most idiotic phrase heard recently: "I'm very detail-orientated." orien-TATED. Not oriented, no, no. Because having a firm grasp on the English language is for morons.
Remember Bill Engvall? The 'Heeeeere's Yer Sign!' guy?
I hadn't seen him in anything in quite some time, but I remember him from years ago, and he was mildly funny, but not side-splitting, spit-milk-outta-your-nose funny. Now though? Now that he's grown up, has a family and has lived a little? MUCH funnier. George and I watched his special on the Comedy Channel today and laughed our asses off. If you get the chance, definitely check it out.
Also seen today that was amazing:
John Cusak in The Jack Bull. He was incredible. His father wrote it and John stars in it. It's based on a true story surrounding the statehood of Wyoming. Here is a very accurate review of the movie at Suite 101.
Joey's Link O' the Day: [Warning: NOT safe for work.] Midget P0rn0 Battle
Someone Arrived Here Searching For: Am I Hungry? [No. But you will be in 3.2 hours. Thank you for flying Gracie Airlines.]
Last 5 Entries:
How Much Are YOU Worth? - Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006 Perfume and Lazy Bastards.... - Wednesday, Jan. 04, 2006 Like Poop Through a Goose.... - Saturday, Dec. 31, 2005 Bling and Bullets.... - Thursday, Dec. 29, 2005 Get Into The Frickin Spirit.... - Friday, Dec. 23, 2005
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