:: American Angst ::

Sunday, Jun. 6, 2004 I Married a Lesbian Baker We've moved!! Please update your bookmarks to reflect the new site URL: http://www.americanangst.com -- this page and the site will be deleted this week some time. George is sick. Has been for a while now. For the last month or so, he's had a horrible cold and at night coughs to the melodious tune of bombs dropping...scares the beJESUS out of me. So yesterday, he calls me to come upstairs; I arrive; he flips on the hall light; he sticks out his tongue. I laugh, because I assume this is a game. He sticks his tongue out farther. I then see what he is attempting to show me, but not because he informed me of the object of attention (though he tried, and quite funnily, to speak with his tongue hanging out of his mouth "uh-ook! uhss at!?") - my husband had developed nasty, butt-ugly blisters on the back of his tongue, the roof of his mouth, and allll over his throat. Ewww! I informed him that any and all forms of intercourse would not be had any time soon and asked where he was planning on living while he waited for a cure? He found this less funny than I did. So George stayed home today and took YET ANOTHER trip to the doc-in-the-box down the street (side note: they're tired of him and have actually said "You stop coming here!" to which he replied "Well fuckin' fix me then!!") and was told that, due to all the antibiotics he's been on lately, the yeast in his body was thrown off balance (female readers can, no doubt, empathize) and had shown their irritation in the form of Thrush. In his mouth. Frickin GROSS. So he leaves the doc-in-the-box with prescription in hand and calls to tell me that he's on his way to the drugstore, then home to bed, as he's been given something in addition to the anti-nasty-mouth-itis drugs, to help him sleep. 30 minutes later he calls me from his car, which is still parked out in front of the drugstore. The conversation went like this: George: *Miserably* "Hiiiiiii" Gracie: "Hi, sweetie. How ya feelin'?" George: "Like shit" Gracie: "Nice. What's up?" George: "Betcha didn't know you were a lesbian" Gracie: "Um. No. No, I can't say that I knew that" George: "Well now ya do" Gracie: "Oh thank you. Any other news?" George: "Yep. I'm a lesbian, too" Gracie: "Excellent! Did the doctor tell you this, or did you just have an epiphany?" George: "No, actually. My medication told me" Gracie: "Dude. You aren't driving while high, are you??" George: "No, silly" Gracie: "Then what the HELL are you talking about???" George: "My medication is called Diflucan and it says it's going to treat my vaginal yeast infection. Apparently I've grown a buh-jina" Gracie: "You ARE one, does that count?" George: "Probably not, but it'll cure me!" Gracie: "I think you need to start the car and drive around to the drive-thru window of the drugstore. Get reeeeally close to the window, wave the medication at them and holler "I. Do. NOT. Have a BUH-JIIINA!!! Make sure you look crazy." George: *Laughing* Gracie: "I'm not kidding. Do it." George: "Uh, no." Gracie: "Yes! Do it while I'm on the phone! I wanna hear!" George: "Not only am I NOT going to be driving through the drive-thru, I will not be entering the Wal-Green drugstore for at LEAST the next year or so." Gracie: "Why the hell not??" George: "Dude. Because A) It was allll women behind the pharmacy counter, and they were grinning and looking at me funny and B) when I dropped the prescription off (keeping in mind that I did NOT know what the medication was, or was USED for) the clerk asked me when I wanted to pick it up, and MY brilliant reply was 'I'll just wait, 'cuz I'm in LOTS of pain'" Gracie: *Dissolves into fits of laughter* George: "Shut. Up." Gracie: *Still laughing. Manages to speak in between giggles:* "Is it a pill or a squirt tube?" George: "Aaaaand here's where we discuss my hatred for you" Gracie: "Go back in there and ask them for anti-itch cream and a douche" George: *Click* Write me a Note here. Read my notes here. Read a Random Entry Previous | Next Last 5 Entries: How Much Are YOU Worth? - Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006 Perfume and Lazy Bastards.... - Wednesday, Jan. 04, 2006 Like Poop Through a Goose.... - Saturday, Dec. 31, 2005 Bling and Bullets.... - Thursday, Dec. 29, 2005 Get Into The Frickin Spirit.... - Friday, Dec. 23, 2005 ^ back to top

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