:: American Angst :: |
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Puttin' the FUN in dys-FUN-ctional!! It's the holidays! Time for Ding Fries Are Done! |
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While writing my entries, I like to have the television on for background noise. Tonight, the background noise comes courtesy of E! True Hollywood Story and Beauty Pageants. They're doing interviews with former Ms. America winners. Along comes Ms. America 2003. She's explaining why the pageant is so wonderful and helpful to girls. She says: "...and it can inspire a whole 'nother generation." Nice. While talking about how 'smart' their pageant is, she uses the word 'nother'. Uh-huh. Riiiiight. Not at AAAAaaall about your ass and taped boobs, is it now?
So Ivan. Obviously we weren't hit nearly as hard as the people on the coast, but we still end up getting hit. The morning after Ivan made its way to Georgia, we were on our way to work and had the following conversation:
George: *Grumbles* "Dammit. I thought it wasn't supposed to hit until tonight! I was SO hoping a tree would fall across my driveway and give me a day off!"
Gracie: "Um...'MY' driveway??"
George: "Yeeeeaaah?"
Gracie: "Don't you mean 'OUR' driveway?"
George: *Rolls Eyes Dramatically* "Oooohhhh, exCUUUUSE me! I was sooooo hoping a tree would fall across O-U-R driveway and give US a day off!! There. Ya happy now??"
Gracie: "Yes."
George: "Freak."
Gracie: "Aaaaand now I want a divorce."
George: "Ohhh, but will it be OUR divorce?"
Gracie: "Seriously? You are THE biggest dick in the world."
So I'm a very antsy passenger in cars. Despite the fact that George is an excellent driver and hasn't gotten us into a car accident in all the years we've known each other, I still get all goofy when we're in a car together. Some would say that it's because I'm just a weeee bit controlling. I don't see that at ALL but...whatever.
So I'm antsy. And Friday morning was no different. Well...a little different, as the latest hurricane was still making itself known and the roads were very wet, which tends to make Gracie a bit...on edge. As I told George, I think it's because I have an over-active imagination and each time we get a bit too close to another vehicle, or I see someone approaching from a side street a little too quickly, my mind goes off on a tangent, and I can actually feel and imagine them hitting us...I feel the impact and imagine the damage and I know that it's silly, but I've been in too many car accidents to just relax about it all.
So anyway, Friday. We're driving to work and the roads are wet. The car in front of us is stopped a few hundred feet ahead of us. At the point where I, if I were driving, would have stepped on the brakes, I notice that George feels otherwise. He keeps going at the same rate of speed. I disagree with this and let him know my feelings by wincing, using my own Invisi-Brake, and I took it one step further by doing this little action I seem to have acquired where I hold my arms out, and I rub each finger against my thumb (from pinky to index finger, because that makes ALL the difference, don'tchaknow) with rapid-fire quickness. So I do this all in a matter of seconds while bracing for the impending crash. When it doesn't happen, and the car moves again before we ever come close to it, I relax and begin laughing at myself.
George: "What're you laughing at?"
Gracie: "Nuuuuthin" *hoping George didn't witness my idiotic display back there*
George: "It couldn't be because of THIS could it??" *and begins to imitate my actions, in a completely exaggerated fashion, but looks waaaaay more stupid than I ever could*
Gracie: "Hey! My Face SO didn't do that!"
George: *to inform me just how mentally ill he believes I am, he twists his face up and begins talking in his 'special' voice* "Top! TOP! TOP duh caaaar! I 'peshul! I top duh car wiff my Feen-durs yike DIS!!" *and then begins imitating my finger and face motions again*
Gracie: "And you wonder why nobody likes you."
Someone Arrived Here Searching For: farter porn [oh that's it. THAT IS IT. I soooo quit.]
Last 5 Entries:
How Much Are YOU Worth? - Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006 Perfume and Lazy Bastards.... - Wednesday, Jan. 04, 2006 Like Poop Through a Goose.... - Saturday, Dec. 31, 2005 Bling and Bullets.... - Thursday, Dec. 29, 2005 Get Into The Frickin Spirit.... - Friday, Dec. 23, 2005
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