:: American Angst :: |
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Puttin' the FUN in dys-FUN-ctional!! It's the holidays! Time for Ding Fries Are Done! |
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Dear People Who Frequently Say "I Call Bullshit on That!"
You sound like a 2 year old moron. Please, PLEASE stop saying this. Drew Carey, I'm talking to you, too, babe.
Love,
Gracie
Have you partaken of the joy that is the new Taco Bell caramel apple empanada? Ohhhhh, but you must. I know that the restaurant is a cheapie fast food joint; I know that they are lovingly referred to as Taco Hell (by George, anyway) but the caramel apple empanada = muy freakin' bueno.
On a side note, there are several occasions that I have ordered this delight at the drive-thru near my house, and there is a teenager that works the window -- an American, completely un-Spanish girl, I might add -- and she has this superiority issue that requires her to correct my pronunciation of the word 'empanada' -- wrongly, of course, which makes it that much funnier. See, if you look at the word, you will note a shocking lack of a tilde above the 'n' in empanada. If there is no tilde, then the 'n' is pronounced just like an English 'n'. If there is a tilde (like so: �) above the 'n' then you pronounce the 'n' as 'ny'. Despite this very basic knowledge (that I learned when I was eight fer cryin' out loud,) this girl insists, at each visit, on correcting me:
Taco Ho: "Welcome to Taco Bell, may I help you?"
Gracie: "Yes, I'd like *insert order* and a caramel apple empanada please?"
Taco Ho: "That's *repeats order* and a caramel apple empaNYADA?"
Eeeevery single time. Idiot.
Have you seen the two main Trimspa commercials with Anna Nicole Smith? The stupid ones? I hate them. Hate them a really lot.
First, the commercial where she's walking down a pseudo-catwalk, wearing a pink vinyl dress with black nylons, which is hideously awful on its own, but then she...squats...and spreads her arms wide at the same time. What the HELL is that about? To display that she can now pee standing up without ruining her shoes? WHAT?
The other, nearly as nauseating, commercial is Anna on a beach where she was obviously instructed to 'frolick' with a guy. It's in black and white (thank Christ) and is just awful and I am embarrassed for her.
Please, Trimspa, knock it off. We get it, she's hot again and she got that way ingesting your thinly-veiled speed. Oh Yay. Enough already!
Dear Paparazzi,
Could someone within earshot of Paris Hilton please, PLEASE inform her that she will not wither and die if she lets someone take a picture of her in a natural pose? I'm quite sure that I speak for the masses when I say that we are all wicked tired of her head-flung-back-and-to-the-side-with-mouth-half-open-in-what-she-thinks-is-an-oh-so-sexy pose.
Hurl.
Gracie
To all who may have been under the misguided impression that I married a great guy, please see below. Also, pay close attention to his subject line:
-----Original Message-----
Don't you wish YOU were married to an ass??
GRACIE's Link O' the Day: This is awesome!
Someone Arrived Here Searching For: how do american masturbate?
[With wads of cash and while screaming "Death to your Allah!!"]
Last 5 Entries:
How Much Are YOU Worth? - Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006 Perfume and Lazy Bastards.... - Wednesday, Jan. 04, 2006 Like Poop Through a Goose.... - Saturday, Dec. 31, 2005 Bling and Bullets.... - Thursday, Dec. 29, 2005 Get Into The Frickin Spirit.... - Friday, Dec. 23, 2005
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