:: American Angst :: |
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Puttin' the FUN in dys-FUN-ctional!! It's the holidays! Time for Ding Fries Are Done! |
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We saw a preview for a show coming in May about a catholic nun who bucked the system and spoke her mind about the rampant intolerance in the church and other atrocities.
George: "Hell yeah! A woman who says 'Screw you! This needs to be said and I'm SAYIN' it and I don't give a SHIT if you don't like it! I LOVE that!"
Gracie: "Uh huh. Unless it's your WIFE."
George: "Wull yer just MEAN."
I was reading someone else's guestbook earlier and saw this note:
"Ha! The chances of me wearing birkenstocks are about the same as George W. Bush properly funding family planning. Not gonna happen. Ever."
THIS is what's wrong with the country today. Can someone PLEASE explain to me why it is the PRESIDENT'S job to keep lazy morons from getting knocked up??? I don't care if you love Bush or hate him. It is NOT his responsibility to police your balls! And seriously, why the hell can they not plunk down a measly five dollars for their own condoms?? Or, here's a thought: Don't screw if you can't handle the responsibility! GAWD people piss me off. This complete unwillingness to take responsibility for your own life or actions? Gah!
American Idol:
Will you be surprised to learn that I'm irritated by the actions of people on this show? Me too!
Hey! Semencrust! Enough with the fat jokes! We get it! We also get that you don't have an OUNCE of creativity in that short, weak, faggoty body of yours, okay? Ooooo, not so nice is it?
Cuz...you know...he reads my site.
And will learn from my rants...
Okay okay, I'm getting on with it.
Ohhh Nadia. George's comment: "OO! Look at her snarl! Oh NO she did NOT wear that! Did NOBODY remember to give her pants?! Oh! Oh she looks like Whitney Houston...no, not early Whitney, Currently-In-Rehab-Whitney!"
Anwar: With his trilling and going from deep register to near-soprano? Awful. AND I have finally figured out what Randy's problem is. It came to me after hearing him proclaim Anwar the "Best Singer in this Competition!" well it's quite clear now: Randy = deaf bastard. That's it! How else could you possibly explain that comment? Anwar is consistently off-pitch and whines his notes. I would be willing to bet money that he wears women's underwear. He's wishy-washy and tries so hard to be Mr. Rastafarian True-to-our-roots Black Man that he can't NOT do that bouncy-bounce thing (note: Fantasia went to the same school) that not only does it look ridiculous, but it seriously affects the sound of his voice. Also I hate him.
Is it just too much to ask that Paula be tied to her chair during the comments from other judges? Or hell...the whole show! It's pathetic enough that she is so emotionally unstable that she can't handle hearing anybody receive feedback that even remotely resembles criticism, but then (seems to only be during the african-american singer's presentations, unless the singer has a penis...then race rarely matters) to see her jump up and pretend that she is at a rock concert and bounce, dance, shake her arms at the stage, and scream happily at them. It's embarrassing to watch. Even worse that, each week, she feels the need to incorporate at least one biker-accessory into her wardrobe...apparently hoping that it will make us think she's tough? Bwwaaa-ahahahaha. Sweetie? A skull 'n crossbones ring and a leather wristband do not a strong person make.
Ryan Semencrust apparently can't let go of ridiculing Scott Savol...but he changed the wording around a bit when a baby picture was shown of Scott. He called him "Scott-the-little-body-Savol" like the true asshat that Ryan is.
What was just hilarious about Scott's clip was how, during the pre-singing-video, he explained to the audience that he was a rocker-baby. He would listen to rock music as a toddler and between then and now, he was a hard-core rocker...he just Rocked Out, man! And then? 2 seconds later, we hear the results of Mr. Rocker. We hear whispered high-pitched "Oooooooo, Oooooo" from Hall and Oates' (who were in the audience that night) rendition of She's Gone. hahahahahahaa. Yep, you are a heavy metal all the way, baybee!
George 'bout lost his shit laughing when, during Scott's (not so bad) rendition of their song, the cameras panned over to Mr. Hall and his luhhh-vurrrrr Mr. Oates and they were standing, clapping, air-drumming, and mouthing the words. And they were BOTH apparently channeling Brett Michaels, because they BOTH got the words wrong...to their OWN song...and the beat Mr. Oates (who can we just agree did NOT age well at ALL?) was hammering out in the air was comPLETELY off. It was a riot and George choked "Dude! Do they not even know their own SONG!?" to which I replied "Honey, they are just sooo very happy that people are being reminded that they're still alive...they can't be bothered to remember the words or the beat." George felt that the only thing going through their minds -- causing them to screw it up so badly -- was "Comeback! Comeback! Hall & Oates Comeback! Weeeeee!"
After Scott's song, Randy declared that Scott was one of the 'true' dog pound members. The FUCK does that mean?? A) It's just STUPID and B) How is this a happy announcement? Why would anyone choose to be referred to as a dog pound member? Isn't he given ENOUGH shit from pansy-ass Semencrust?? Dude. Leave the kid alone! He has enough trouble with being a convict and dating Nadia "Smell the Fart" Turner. Give him a break!
So Carrie decided that she didn't want to be called 'boring' anymore by Randy and Simon. She felt that she would take their advice and break out of her shell a bit by picking a tough, rocker song and, in addition to the hard-to-sing song, she decided to also go out into the audience to attempt to connect with them, and even decided to leap out of her comfort zone by dancing (tho she only swayed her hips from side to side, but she tried!) and hearing her sing Pat Benatar's Love is a Battlefield I was impressed that she did as well as she did. She messed up the words in one part, and had a hard time moving/dancing and hitting the notes, but I was proud of her for taking such a big step. And we all know that I am biased toward her since I loooooove her voice, but I still thought it was pretty damned good. Randy, of course, hates anyone THAT white-bread and had to put her down. Paula is so insignificant that I have NO idea what she said, then we got to Simon who -- for the first time...at least that I can recall -- criticized Carrie. And I agree with him for the most part...she was nervous, she messed up the words, etc., but Assface Randy had to yell out in response to Simon's criticism of Carrie: "Finally! Simon speaks the TROOF!" Moron. Just a moron. Oh NOW he speaks the 'troof'? Because his feedback agrees with YOU? God he is so stupid. Not as stupid as Paula-Walla-Retard, but stupid nonetheless.
So like I was saying, Paula isn't emotionally stable enough to handle hearing anyone criticized, and has to jump in whenever this occurs. This idiot actually believes that, when the singer sucked ass, it's better to tell them they look pretty or their outfit is stunning and THAT will help them succeed in the music business better than constructive criticism. Or, hell, outright, snotty criticism, which is what they will actually face in the business when the cameras are shut off. Get over it you LAHOOOOOZER! You have a turn to speak. Spew forth your idiocy during that turn, then shut the fuck up. 'Kay?
Do you think Scott would fall down and twitch if someone forced him to sing a song that sounded white? Just once? Is he really that offended by the white race? It makes me think of all the other people that I see on a daily basis that are white but act black. Black is fine, but it's hilariously sad when you see people who apparently feel so alienated by life and the humans around them that they pretend they're another race. The little white teenage boys that blare rap music and grab their crotches and slouch in their cars so they're practically in the passenger seat? Riotous. And sad. They have NO idea what asses they make of themselves.
Bo: HATED his version Freebird. I could've sworn I was riding in an elevator hearing a muzak version of the song. Bliccttthhhhuh.
Constantine: Wow. Just damn. I was SO prepared, with pen in hand, to just rip him a new one for mangling such a classic song as Bohemian Rhapsody. And dude NAILED it.
Vonzell: Stop fucking smiling, wouldja? Honey, I've got one nerve left and you are PLUCKIN' it.
Results Show:
When announcing the bottom three, Ryan Seacrest loves to try and guilt people over it. Tonight he whined: "These are YOUR votes! YOU did this!" Yeah, uuummmm...duh. Shut up. Dumbass. Bring back Dunkleman.
Scott? Do me a friggin favor. Every time you hear that you are safe, you look at the ceiling and thank god. Thank ME fucker, *I* voted for you...not God.
Oh jeezus. Now all THREE losers are singing??? And their WORST songs??? Jesus. They just want to taunt me, don't they?? They want to see just how many licks it takes to get to Gracie's heart attack.
Here is the email I just sent to [email protected]
ENOUGH with the fat jokes! Good grief. We get it, okay? The Kirstie Alley joke was bad enough, but it seems this jerk can't get through even ONE show without calling Scott by a fat-referenced name. Scott 'The Body' Savol! Scott's baby pictures elicited "Scott 'the LITTLE body' Savol" and on and on ad naseum.
Is he really THAT lacking in creativity that the best he can come up with is an insult toward someone's weight??
It's disappointing, insulting, and turning our group of family and friends into former viewers.
Knock. It. Off.
Nadia who, during the results show, made me throw punches at the television set with her moronic "Whatever is God's will is what I will do. It's God's plan." Welp...guess it was God's will that you smell the farts at home, eh? I'm almost sad that I won't have her to make fun of any more. And those fans she drones on and on about every week? Guess they don't have phones, ay Smarty Pants? Ohhhh how sweet. Nadia diva was watching her buh-bye video and (cuz Deaf Gracie can read lips) she insisted that someone find her a tissue, and Semencrust took off his tie so she could blow snot all over it. Awwwww. Ohhhh, I am going to hell. Not for that previous comment, but because I burst out laughing when they showed those two kids...Nadia family members? Bawling in the audience. Yeah, I know I'm evil. Which reminds me of a conversation George and I had earlier this evening....
George: "Whatcha watchin'?"
Gracie: "I tivo'd Oprah. It's horrible...this guy? He got up for work one morning and went to the garage and his car wouldn't start? So he hooked up jumper cables to his wife's engine, started his car, removed the jumper cables, closed the hoods, went to work...came home almost 12 hours later and found his wife and 2 dogs dead...he'd forgotten to turn off her car and they died in their sleep of carbon monoxide poisoning! Isn't that TRAGIC??? God. I can't even imagine."
George: *Displays face of pondering*
Gracie: "What?"
George: *Grins*
Gracie: *Realizes he's formulating a plan to do the same thing to Gracie* "SHyyyyut up! Besides. I'm too mean to die that easily."
George: "Yeah...I can see it now..." *Makes dramatic display of taking deep, ridiculously huge breaths through the nose and speaks in what he has decided is Gracie's Voice which, let me just say again, sounds NOTHING LIKE ME* "MMMMM!! Do ya think they sell this in a STICK?!"
Nashville Star:
Sara Evans: Love you, but girlfriend? Do NOT wear skinny belts that draw the eye to your hips and....well...the area where a waist would be, and since you don't have one (not trying to be mean, it's true) you should be drawing the eye upward and away from that area. You're welcome.
Has anyone else noticed that many of the contestants sound a HELL of a lot better than the country stars that come on the show and sing in guest spots??
It pleases me a great deal that this show does it properly: The WINNERS sing. Those voted off? They go HOME.
Nooooooo! Ohhhhh, I spoke too soon. A group song!? WHY!?!?!? Both of these shows are offering a SOLO ARTIST contract! There will be no group songs for them! It is unnecessary and STUPID. Quitit!!!
Cletus made a noise when Ms. Evans wished Leann a speedy recovery. The HELL was that about?? And who the HELL names their child CLETUS?? It's like a redneck's mispronunciation of a female body part. Do his parents view him as stupid genitalia?
Jason Meadows entrance? Oh. My. GOD he is a dork. He hopped 3 feet and stomped with both feet. Ohhhh how this show makes me cringe sometimes.
Jayron weaver: AWESOME tonight. I am not a big fan of his, but he did GREAT tonight. Vince Gill's Little Liza Jane was a great song choice. Brett's Genius Response: "You have a great knack to vocally like I told you it's insane." MMmmm-Hmmmm. The King of Stupi-DITTY.
Erika Jo - Black Velvet: Friggin' awesome man. She really needs to win this. I will SOOO buy her album. I have to tell ya, tho, that I think it will come down to her and the cowboy...Jason. And I think Jason will win, simply because good ole boys don't vote for girls. Brett's comment: "That totally turned me on." GROSS...ya sick bastard.
Brett's comments to Jody: "I can just say this an an an I say it I dig it. Guitars and Cadillacs." the FUCK??
Someone Arrived Here Searching For:
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Last 5 Entries:
How Much Are YOU Worth? - Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006 Perfume and Lazy Bastards.... - Wednesday, Jan. 04, 2006 Like Poop Through a Goose.... - Saturday, Dec. 31, 2005 Bling and Bullets.... - Thursday, Dec. 29, 2005 Get Into The Frickin Spirit.... - Friday, Dec. 23, 2005
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