:: American Angst ::

Sunday, Dec. 04, 2005 Poop Advice and Ding Ringtones.... Got an email today from Rick S., telling me that Ding Fries Are Done, my favorite Christmas tune of ALL TIME, was a big hit with him and at his office and, crafty little bugger that he is, took it upon himself to do a little work on the song and created 7 different ring tones that you can download for your cellphone. How friggin' cool is THAT?? Also, these are all MP3 files, so you don't necessarily have to use them only for your phone. You can download them to your computers for non-stop joy all throughout the holiday season. To do so, just right-click on any of the links below and choose 'Save Target As' and save it to your computer. Nifty, eh? Enjoy! Ding Fries Are Done - Rounds - MP3 Ding Fries Are Done - Rounds - MP3 Fries Are Done - Shorter - MP3 Fries Are Done - End of tune - MP3 Apple Pie portion - Short - Mp3 Paper Hats portion - MP3 The Bell - MP3 Thanks again Rick! I have such creative minions! (Oh, and P.S., pleeease do not email Ms. Gracie asking her how to get these tones onto your phone. There are many many different kinds of phones, services, etc., and many more ways to send the tones to your phone and I am certainly not an expert, so you'd do best to go to Google and type in your phone model and 'send ringtones to my phone'. Good luck! And if anyone figures out how to get these ringtones onto a Blackberry 6230? Dude...TOTALLY have to tell me how! I desperately want these on my phone!) Also, to extend your holiday joy, why not purchase a Ding Fries Are Done mug, t-shirt, or bumper sticker? We have tons of stuff in the store and the prices are only a dollar or two above cost, so get your gift-giving done today without having to move your ass out of your seat! Click here to shop. Note on the angst gear: I am in the process of creating all new graphics for these items (where my ego is a bit smaller and the americanangst.com sponsorship text will be a lot smaller as well) so check it out and buy a few for friends, co-workers, and people you love to hate! Do it! Clearly I need money for therapy! ********************************* American Angst Advice Column As I mentioned yesterday, we are trying to get the advice column started back up again and, because I have such awesome readers, we've had people send in their questions! The first comes from ...I'm sure she wouldn't want me to use her name, so I've given her a moniker. For those who send in questions in the future, please specify if you want your name used or not. If not, assign yourself a catchy little nickname or I can do that for you. Now, on to today's dilemma! Gracie, Ever since you posted about your office a few months ago, I can't stop thinking about your condemnation of women who go into the bathroom and clench really tight, waiting for the next woman to leave the restroom, so they can finally "let go" in peace. It's like a stand-off, is what it is. Well, Gracie, I know their pain. I'm all for letting go and all, but in front of new co-workers, or snotty co-workers, it's just...I can't do it. Why, just the other day, after I wrote in my own blog that it's time to liberate all women, and just we should all just get IN there and do what comes naturally, come what may, I now realize that I was speaking of letting go in front of complete strangers. That I can do. And give a little knowing smile (after properly washing my hands) as I turn to leave the bathroom and all its inhabitants forever. I don't know these people. They can't judge me. Everybody poops. But when it's your co-workers? Oh, the agony! What's a woman to do? Signed, Poop-Shy ------------------------------ Answer: George's Advice: let it rip and (after properly washing your hands) run --top speed!-- to your desk and send an email to the entire department and blame it on her!! By the time she gets back to HER desk and tries to tell everyone that it was you, it'll be old news and, even better, they'll naturally assume that she's just trying to cover up for her own stinkiness. Tr�s uncouth! Gracie's Advice: I must admit that I have found that I feel the same way; when someone I don't like (or trust) or who isn't very nice to me...who's a gossip, perhaps, or just plain mean? I, too, cannot poop freely. So perhaps what works for me may work for you. I have two options for you: My first choice is to use a restroom on another floor (preferably one where you don't work. Our company has several floors, so I choose either the lobby level restrooms or one on a floor where I don't know people and where they won't recognize my shoes if they're TRULY nosy and decide to look beneath the stalls for identification purposes...YES, people ACTUALLY DO THIS.) If you aren't able to use another restroom, and if you simply can't clench long enough for the other person to finish her bidness n' leave, then I suggest my other tactic: do YOUR bidness, but don't immediately exit your stall; wait until a) one or more other people come in so that nobody can easily discern who the offending party was, or b) wait until you know that she has not only left, but has had time to get far enough away from the restroom so you won't be seen leaving and, thereby, identified as Poopy McCrapper. Please be sure to write back soon and let us know how this advice worked for ya. It's one of my biggest pet peeves with advice columns...we never hear if it worked for the people or not! Do YOU have a dilemma, family squabble, moral quandry? Send your questions to [email protected]. (*Letters may be edited for length and to protect the identity of individuals. Also, don't worry too much about the spelling/grammar. That isn't the point of this exercise. Submission of the letter signifies your consent to posting on public website. We will not, however, post your real name, email address, or other identifying information.) ********************************* Someone Arrived Here Searching For: movies of pimples pooping i love girls farts [italian men are...a curious people] girls farting on my balls [good ole american] soccer moms enemas oops i'm pooped smell pants fries with that christmas song girls farting gas open ass [see? another one from italy. They're beginning to rival that of the indian men] nude ear squat picture how my husband fucked me in the shower and got me pregnant fart of the girls funny christmas songs coke and fries my wife fuck white my boss pictures of monkeys, group, feces, poop photos of killed squirrels do girls like guys with pimples can i get some fries with that, ding pies are done smelly loafers funny videos of people singing fakely duct tape sayings cleanup after masturbation christmas ornaments fat naked people funny jewish nicknames not real credi cart [aka: not real smar t] women humiliate tiny pee pee paula abdul parents were ? christmas song funny french fries are done how to pronounce hesh randy jackson king of fuck "bulls mating" burger king retard song placed to christmas song funny sayings about poop smell pretty girl's ass is kiddo a romantic nickname "down down down down, down down down" would you like a side of fries with that christmas song don't ya for pusy cut [um...I...I think...well..NO] yahoo group wanker humiliation haul ass (porn).com special ed ding fries are done song dogs screwing nude deaf girls funny pantyhose squeeze my nuts porn sexy girls with having shit on their body [oooh those wacky pakkies!] "my boobs are huge" ding fries are done burger king christmas melody birthday cake porn do girls hate when guys fart? never wear underwear! [well okay, but only because you were so forceful about it!!] overweight redneck women american idiot miniskirt "anal delight" move rearview tight pants why do girls pee so much fucking angry squirrel arachnid pussy thighs girls farting torture boobs for christmas song seating etiquette at arenas hockey girl kick nuts pain sexy feet woman shitting a can why butt fuckers choose google ********************************* Write me a Note here. Read my notes here. Read a Random Entry Previous | Next Last 5 Entries: How Much Are YOU Worth? - Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006 Perfume and Lazy Bastards.... - Wednesday, Jan. 04, 2006 Like Poop Through a Goose.... - Saturday, Dec. 31, 2005 Bling and Bullets.... - Thursday, Dec. 29, 2005 Get Into The Frickin Spirit.... - Friday, Dec. 23, 2005 ^ back to top

Much love to: BlogSkins, Rick (the design), and (of course) Powered by Diaryland(TM)