:: American Angst ::

Thursday, Mar. 31, 2005 Screw You 'n Yer Fries... LOooooong entry today. It's to make up for not posting the last 2 days...friggin' Bellsouth DSL. ********************************* Paula on American Idol last night? Wasted. A reader wrote in with nearly the same diagnosis that George and I came up with: Dude, was Paula Abdul high as a kite last night, or what? Her eyes were glazed over and she was slurring her words. It was bizarre. To think that Anwar had a great performance may have been the result of a combination of Vodka and Percocet. Ay, yi, yi. Brad (Gracie Note: I especially love 'Ay, yi, yi'. I don't know why. But I do.) My Response: No kidding! George and I decided it was a mixture of whisky and painkillers....great minds think alike!! Other Idol Comments: Doh! I forgot to vote again! DAMmit. Bo's performance? SO hot. Why did they add (after 3 years of silence) the sound of the girl POUNDING down the...what the hell is it? Catwalk? Runway? At the beginning of the show? It's irritating as hell and completely useless. The sky must be falling! Randy complimented more than one white person! What next? OO! Answer received! Monkeys just flew outta my ass! Tell Paris Hilton to STOP SAYING 'HOT' ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! I know that had nothing to do with Idol. So? George has decided that we need a new idol for white people. Then answered himself by saying "We can call it Cracker Idol!!" then a few moments later: "Ohhh, wait. We already have that! It's called Nashville Star!" Ohhhh how Anwar suhh-HHHhuuuuh-Huucked. He was so very off-pitch. Did you hear that line that was supposed to be "Spread my wings" but he sang it as "Spruh my wings"?? Heh. And this shitty performance was further proof that Paula is a crack addict when she fell all over herself to praise his performance. And WHAT the HELL was with her closing her eyes and swaaaaaying while sticking her head up his ass by crooning lovingly at him, all "You...made me...love this song as if I've neverrrr hearrrrd it befoooooore...neverrrr heard such a beautiful rendition...blah, blah, fucking blah"? Simon was DEAD-on-balls with his assessment, saying that he saves himself with the big notes, but the rest of his singing is below average. Of COURSE his honesty was met with boo-ing from the audience. Touchy-feely shmucks. I was pleased when Simon finished his comments and Paula, who canNOT allow someone else to speak without interjecting, said "I disagree!" and Simon said (heh...Simon says) "I know you do, but I'm right." Heh. It's like seeing George on television. Very blunt, very honest, no emotion. Straight-up. And not Paula Abdul Straight-up, 'cause we all know now that she is unable to handle truth in any form. Ohhh Nadia and her snarl. I've dubbed it 'Smell the Fart Singing' (see: Joey Tribbiani's 'Smell the Fart Acting'). I must give George credit, though, as it came to me only because George said "Did someone roll a lemon in dog shit and smear it all over her face?? Cause that's what that face looks like! Like someone smeared her with a lemon rolled in dog shit!" I'm also very tired of her typical routine that she never deviates from: *March. Sing. Snarl. After every second sentence, fling head to the side and toward shoulder. Look to the side. Close eyes halfway. Whip head back to 'straight-ahead'. Look at camera. Grin in such a way as to convey that you completely realize that you are, in fact, the greatest performer alive.* George: "Cracker Idol!!" *Giggles* Constantine: aaaahahahahahaha! Sitting on the stage and doing a ballad?? Ohhhh hahahahaha! You know, George really hit it on the nail..or is it the head? Whatever. He says that Constantine is always one week behind Bo. Whatever Bo did last week, Constantine will be doing it this week. SO right. And now he's trying to make love to the crowd and camera with his eyes while continuing with his freakish accent that isn't from ANYWHERE. Just don't like him. Just don't. Paula then had to comment in her drunken state: "This was your bess male performance YET!" As opposed to his BESS female performance yet?? Ig'nernt lush. Nikko. Nikko, Nikko, Nikko. Did you see him in the middle of his performance and suddenly he looked and saw that he was in the wrong spot for his next set of moves and quickly took off running to the other side of the stage and, in the middle of his run, he stops dead in his tracks, whips around so he's facing the other way again, and then does his slow bouncy-walk all sexy-like? As though nobody would notice? George's take: "Uh-oh! I needa WALK THAT WAY! *Run-run-run* Whew! Okay! Now I can slooooow walk...walky walk. Walkity walk walk!" Paula's comment for Nikko: "Another consecutive good week!" Another....consecutive....another...consecutive. WHO took her brain and when? And what did they use it for?? George: "Cracker Idol!!" *Giggles* Wow. Vonzell ROCKED that song! Whitney is notoriously hard to sing, but she nailed it. Had no idea she was capable of that. Paula's original comment: "America's falling in love with you!" Ohhhh how unique. And then: "You gave one of the top-notch performances tonight." Idiot. Exactly how many top-notches are there?? George: "Cracker Idol!! Cracker Idol!!" *Giggles* Sigh. Friggin Ryan Semencrust. Introducing Scott Savol as Scott 'The Body'. Sighsighsigh. ASSHOLE. We get it! He's not fairy-thin like you are! Let it go! Update: The fact that suck-ass Anwar made it through and JESSICA got sent home? Is proof that the majority of people watching this show either don't vote or vote regardless of performance. I am offended. And wish I could say that I'd never watch the show again, but that wouldn't be true. Yeah...I'm not proud of me either. ********************************* George and I went to Taco Mac recently for lunch. It was a Saturday afternoon, yet the bar area was empty save one other table. Which is why the service we received (or lack thereof) surprised me. It would have been easier to understand if they had been slammed with customers. The fact that she had nothing else to do just increased my irritation. You may not know this, but in the restaurant business it is common protocol that you are to greet customers within 2-3 minutes of them being seated and you are to take someone's drink order no later than 7 minutes after they've been seated. I tried to find a reputable source online to back this up, but since our DSL has been down for 2 days, and the amount of time it would take to do that...well, it would have put off posting this at least one more day and I didn't want to do that, so I can only say that someone who owned a restaurant told me this once, so it may not be industry-wide knowledge, but it oughta be. In our case? 15 minutes since we'd been seated before we were even acknowledged (which should have been my first clue.) Finally, a heavy-set young girl walked by and began cleaning the high-top table next to us. She was about 5 feet tall and was wearing a MINI. SKIRT. George and I exchanged a look. Well...more of a wince, really, then went back to our menus, where I spent time wondering WHY so many chubby girls have this idea in their heads that if they can pack themselves into the same clothes that the waif-like girls wear, then people will suddenly think that they're 60 pounds thinner than they actually are, and will suddenly treat them like a super-model?? Reeeeeally bugs me. After a few minutes the girl, whose back was to us, turned and (without cracking even a hint of a smile) said: "Y'all wanna order er whut?" Ohhhh, and there goes clue number 2, but did I get up and leave? 'Course not. She huffs a bit and comes to our table. Since we'd been there so long, we'd had time to decide on what we wanted to eat, in addition to our drinks, so we gave her the whole order. She wrote it down as though she spoke English, which was foolish of me to assume. Gracie: "We'd like the queso dip appetizer, and I'd like a sprite, a cheeseburger with cheddar cheese, no lettuce, no tomato, no pickles, mayo on the side, and french fries, please. George: "I'd like a roast beef sandwich with fries, and a coke to drink, please." Mini-Skirt Fool: "Okay...." *Paaaaause...turns to walk away and then looks only at me and says...* "Hey...joo want the queso appetizer with your meal or before?" Sigh. Yep, I'm such a cow that I need a full lunch AND a full appetizer. And don't you DARE think about sharin' that with my husband! He even TRIES to take a bite o' that cheesy goodness and he'll draw back a NUB I tell ya! Course...that's not what I said. Instead I was nice. I said "WE would like it as an appetizer...before our food comes, thanks." And I smiled sweetly at her. I said the snotty comment to George after she'd walked away. I didn't need spit in my food. A few moments later she brought our drinks. She didn't say anything or smile, but whatever. Less than 5 minutes later a food runner came with our queso dip. Of COURSE it wasn't right. It was smaller than usual and only came with chips. It always, always, always comes with chips AND tortilla wraps. I must've looked at it funny because the runner said "Oh, did you want tortilla wraps with that?" We answered in the affirmative. He went to obtain the wraps. Meanwhile, yet another person came to our table. She asked if our appetizer was wrong. I said yes but that it was no big deal. She mentioned that our waitress was new and in training and apologized. We got our tortilla wraps and took our first bite of the cheese dip. No sooner had we swallowed that first bite than George's food arrived. And ONLY George's food. I continued eating the appetizer, figuring mine was right behind his. Nope. A full 10 minutes later my order arrived, and it was wrong. It was missing cheese, it was missing mayo, it had lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles on it, and...worst of all...had been dipped in barbecue sauce...which gives me migraines. Niiiiice. George (who, by this point, was nearly finished with his meal) insisted that I send it back but I refused. When my sister was younger, she was a waitress and told me aaaaaalll about what the waitstaff does to rude customers and/or customers who send things back. No WAY I was going to risk THAT, so I decided to just suck it up and eat it. Wouldn't have mattered anyway, since it was another 40 minutes before anyone appeared at our table again -- no refills, no one checking to see if waitress-ho got our order right, no waitress-ho herself coming to check on us or the food or our needs, nothing. She arrived 40 minutes later -- after we had long finished eating and had time to smoke 2 cigarettes -- to give us our bill and, at the same time, to ask us if we got everything okay and to smile oh-so-sweetly as though she'd just knocked herself out the last hour tending to our every need and earning a 90% tip. Is everything okay? Like it freakin' matters now?? What I find irritating is that, if she was so new and green, WHY was she alone? Why wasn't someone 'shadowing' her? Or, at the very least, following up with her customers to ensure the orders were correct and that she was doing what she was supposed to do. But of course Taco Mac employees could give a shit. I looked at the bill and saw that she totally charged me for the cheese that was, apparently, the new invisible kind. Now, it's only about 50 cents, so I wasn't going to bitch and make her take it off the bill. Well...that's not entirely true...I was going to do that, but George convinced me not to. He did not, however, talk me out of what I did next. I told George that, for the first time ever, we were NOT going to leave a 25% tip. Nope. This was all just too offensive to me, and I couldn't just let it go. So I did the next best thing: I told George to leave her $2.00 (the bill was $20) and I wrote her a note to be included with our payment. It went like this (yes, I actually wrote two notes so I could share with you.) Because you're new and nobody else will tell you, I'm gonna give you a tip so your tips will improve. Greet people...eventually graduate to smiling at them. Offer to take their drink order within 10 minutes of their arrival, allowing them to then peruse the menu and choose their meal When taking the food order, LISTEN and attempt to get it right (unlike our order, which was wrong on several levels.) Once the food arrives (brought by runners) come back at least ONCE and ask if everything is correct (it wasn't) beFORE we've finished eating or within 30 minutes (neither of which happened here.) Wear longer skirts (this is the point where George, who was reading the note as I wrote it, changed the tip from $2.00 to $3.00 and said "Ohhh, sweetie. Ooooowwwww-ch".) Wish people a good day I put the note behind the credit card receipt (in the fancy little bill-book) and left it on the table. As we were walking out, George giggled a bit under his breath and said "Hehehe. My wife's a bitch." Hey. If she hasn't yet learned how to treat people? Or the rules and proper protocol of being a waitress? Come on. If she is nearing 30 and still hasn't 'gotten' that, nor that wearing mini-skirts when you are that chunky is a bad idea? Someone has spent a loooong time lying to her. How cruel is that? But it's true. Someone has led her to believe that she looks HOT in tight short skirts, even as she's pushing the 200 mark. And that is just wrong. Would YOU like to be walking around, thinking you look just smokin' and instead find out that people are making fun of you behind your back? That they pity you for being so clueless? Especially when you are, quite possibly, the worst waitress on the planet?? Neither would I. And since nobody else was gonna tell her...well...I felt it was my duty to do so. Gracie: World Police. At your service. ********************************* I received an unbelievable number of responses to my Terri Schiavo entry. Click Here for a sampling. I must say that I only received two replies that disagreed with my stance, and one of those was just to say that the person was opposed to the way they are letting her die...by starvation. I agree. It seems barbaric and I can't believe that we are kind enough to our pets to inject them and allow them to die painlessly and peacefully, but that we care so little for our fellow humans that we can't do the same. Please note that you are free to write in again if you want to, but I will not be posting any more letters or opinions on this matter. None of us will change anyone else's mind, and it will only succeed in pissing us off. I prefer to get back to the funny. Don't you? ********************************* Someone arrived here by searching for: randy jackson nude how to make tight pants seatbelt orgasm overweight men and sex nude photos of ex wifes [not at ALL particular are ya? Any ole 'wifes' will do!] nancy grace trailer trash picture of me wearing tight jeans [Yes, because we all know who 'me' is and have pictures of eeeeveryone in jeans, just waiting for your search request! Wheeeeeeeee!] ryan seacrest thank you for not saying ass easter "my ass hurts" [who the hell is YOUR Easter Bunny??] my ass hurts". what? easter [Hy Sybil! Nice ta meetcha!] pantyhose please on toilet my boyfriend is mean and stinky [ahahahahahahaha] crazy hehehehehehe ding ding ding ding [wow. it's like a window to George's thoughts...] uh oh porn i prefer portuguese men american girls are dumb(stupid).com [hey! LICK me!] picture of someone with the flu emails for people who smell nancy grace in leather did they cancel dead like me [Yes, the bastards] ryan seacrest is an idiot whatthefuck thumb of nude men Woman OR Girl OR Lady OR Babe OR Chick Garbage Truck ********************************* Write me a Note here. Read my notes here. 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