:: American Angst ::

Thursday, Nov. 11, 2004 Something About FeeFee... I received the following email from my father yesterday. Please send in your suggestions or thoughts. Gracie, HELP!!! This is a problem I pray you and your readers can help me solve. Our sweet little Maltese dog - you know, the one we call your �littlest sister� and �the one we like the best� - ate her own poop again this morning. Horrified is not too strong a term for my reaction. I googled the subject. This led to an entirely different sort of situation, namely the huge number of porn sites that appeared. After rebooting, I found the following scientific data (my comments are in italics): Some dogs can't resist a tasty morsel of feces. These dogs will eat their own excrement or that of another dog. Some prefer horse feces, while others cat feces. Frozen feces are popular in the winter time. (Where the hell does one obtain frozen ropes? Would that be in the dessert section?) There are some "cures" that have been used with limited success. Feeding the dog MSG or garlic is believed to give feces a bad taste. (Bad taste? Bad taste? What are we talking about to begin with??? If she�s eager to munch a growler, you think she�d give a shit - sorry - about a little garlic after-taste?) As soon as the dog starts approaching excrement, tell her 'leave it!' and distract her with praise. A dog who is interacting with her owner can't be investigating poop at the same time. (Great. Given a choice between a steaming loaf and me, this idiot thinks she�ll choose me.) I am hoping your faithful readers will come to my rescue. Having to run behind the mail kiosk to puke every time I walk FeeFee is starting to generate negative comments amongst the neighbors. Although they think this act is hilarious after one of our homeowner association meetings (which consists of 5 minutes of business and 4 hours of drinking), they don�t seem as entertained by this involuntary act when they and I are sober. Please tell me what to do! FeeFee likes to lick my face after a walk and�.I�ll finish later - got to head for the kiosk. Dad Then later I received: I don�t know - maybe the best thing is to acknowledge and accept this poop-eating behavior. To that end, I�ve been thinking of changing FeeFee�s name. A name should reflect something of the bearer�s character, so I offer the following: Growler gobbler Ka-Ka connoisseur Loaf licker Mound muncher Turd Taster However since she is such a sweet little dog and as delicate as French pastry, my favorite is Crap Suzette. Suggestions? My mother chimed in with: Since "Suzette" indicates a flaming concoction, she may want to avoid that one. But I must say, you are a sick man that needs to get back to work so your brain can get the proper exercise! At a later date we will discuss their dog's penchant for rolling on any and all dead worms it happens to pass when out for her walks. Bizarre little dog. Once again, I need your help easing the pain of my father's psyche, so please send in your suggestions or thoughts. ********************************* Someone Arrived Here Searching For: i can generate a shiver [Good to know!] ********************************* Write me a Note here. Read my notes here. Read a Random Entry Previous | Next Last 5 Entries: How Much Are YOU Worth? - Sunday, Jan. 08, 2006 Perfume and Lazy Bastards.... - Wednesday, Jan. 04, 2006 Like Poop Through a Goose.... - Saturday, Dec. 31, 2005 Bling and Bullets.... - Thursday, Dec. 29, 2005 Get Into The Frickin Spirit.... - Friday, Dec. 23, 2005 ^ back to top

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